Emotionally Getting Harder

Why and how do you mistreat someone or just ignore them and their emotions when they have been there for you repeatedly. so many times. Maybe they truly don't know they are hurting you with their actions or don't know how to be there for you. Let me tell you, oh boy can that mess with a friendship though when they don't show work back or even just try to be there for someone when they have given so much even just mentally. Especially when they really need that. I just can't understand how you can watch someone do so much for you and not recipericate when they need it. But I am not them and sometimes you think you know someone but you never really can. Truly.

I have so many people who always remind me how I need to stop going above and beyond and avoid the people who seem unappreciative. It always reminds me how I am the best at making excuses for them. Well my dad and boyfriend usually remind me. But I am learning. Slowly but surely. But I guess even though i am not there yet i would just say, give as much as you can but just don't expect or be disappointed when you don't get it back.

I know it doesn't seem fair, but they never told you they would be when they needed you. Nor should we expect that when helping someone. But you can always remember who was and how people react after you do help them.

OKAY WOW... I am so serious that this happened.

I Just recently received a huge sign.....



"stay soft" Such a random occurrence. It just means something. I just came across this photo that is above while I was taking a few minutes between writing this. It is just baffling to me. I took a break from writing this blog and just came across this on instagram...

We can never be sure if what we think is a sign but it definitely feels like one. What do you do though when you already feel like giving up on people even when you know you shouldn't?

MyDNA has been raised and made to want to be there for people. I want to be understanding of what they have and are going through and that's what can be beautiful or or a mess. I don't want to get harder but it isn't a choice and I wish I could help it, but I just am giving up on people in general. People are just different from me too and that's something I need to realize.

=This year has really started off interesting already beautifully and crazy period. Loving my son so much has taught me that my feelings are secondary but that started from the moment I felt him in my tum. Before any tests I knew he was there. Ask the five people I told before I even had a missed period. unfortunately others on the other side out their took a bit longer but. Still stood by them no matter what. I had heard it was different for guys and coulters GeeGee (his dads mom) told me that it's normal to feel this distraction and sadness seeing they don't feel and react the same with our baby. That made me feel better but I wasn't ready for what was to come.

He turned 21, and that's when I felt the turn of our love disconnect. We were never really Inlove but I truly loved him and always will. Evan changed and I just wasn't ready for it. We started touring schools for him while I'm breast feeding still on all these trips. "We" decided to make the move to saint peter so he could go to school where his brother and dad went.

We are very blessed that my dad bought a house for us and I had told Evan (hoping he would do the obvious) that I didn't want him to regret anything, so if playing hockey in college is what you want to do, then do it. He was never around. I was blessed enough to that my dad helped us enough that I could take a year off school to continue breastfeeding and and giving our child care 24/7. Evan would leave early for class and then get home way after bed time. I would make dinner. Yes I know not my tasks to make dinner but I did love him and wanted him to be taken care of I started to resent the fact that I was doing everything and my love fell romantics but never will or can lose yhe. Love I have for my sons dad. I would deliver milkshakes to him when he was sick to his hockey house and he would have to come to my house when he wanted to see his son after we broke up because he CHOSE to live in a college hockey party house when his so was 2!!!

I'm no angel. LET ME be the first to tell you because I am an open book. Anyone that talks to me will tell you that. It's just crazy to me how one day I woke up and the light switch turned from good co parenting to I don't even know what to call this but an attack on his part. I went from trying to accommodate every move of his from literally a move, not once but twice but too being told we don't need to talk.